Day SeventyEight

- Home To Many -

That is, my heart.

After struggling to define stability and its elements;

after trying to locate it and picture it 

and after shifting it from land to land

I find it here within me.

And its elements are the feelings of comfort

its picture includes friendly faces

and what I carry is the other end of the bond created.

It strengthens me; though I thought it would weaken me.

It creates me; though I thought it would destroy me.

It is home

when I thought I was homeless.

Alex said the other day,

'Home is where the notes are'

in an honest joke

of how we have made each other home

and have done so through notes.

Then again,

Kyr, whose art I am a great fan of

and who so delicately expresses herself in colours

messaged me just now to say how Home To Many

inspires her

and that with the way I see the world 

through mind and heart

I am able to 

change someone for the better.

I got goosebumps.

Who, me I can inspire?

I have readers?

Of course I do.

And it's the fear of sounding arrogant that would make me doubt that I do.

Because of course I write for people to read.

Of course I write to inspire.

And I'm glad it gets expanded

even through 'hard' times.

And then I told Kyr,

<<It's been a hard road to get here and it still is hard to be able to keep the light shining..>>

and she told me to write about it.

And really,

I don't know what to focus on;

that it seems so unpleasant to the self when it's happening

or that the self comes out confident and bright

like nothing happened.

How can I be writing about emotional and psychological struggles

in a flourishing garden?

I think I made it yo,

I think I'm happy!

by Kyr.

#firetoinspire

Say SeventySeven

Pub Quiz.

The Hummusapiens are back.

Once more determined to win this Pub Quiz,

once more determined to know the randomest of facts

once more ready to be self-proclaimed Moral Winners of the night.

Alex and Hanna join us,

Ed is determined,

Zeed is confident,

Chadya is there for the hummus,

Jen is American,

the Dutch guy on the corner of the table knows the year FRIENDS firs aired,

I have a blocked nose and lack of oxygen to my brain I use that as an excuse,

the quiz continues,

we lost again,

anticlimax,

halas,

next week we- will- win- the- quiz.

Day SeventySix

Salad.

How long has it been since I've had a salad.

As in, salad as a main meal

and not on the side of hummus & bread

and cheese rolls

and stuffed vine leaves

and etc.

Hanna causally comes to pick me up from work

and we stroll off to a supermarket.

'I'm gonna have a salad'

she says firmly,

and my mind starts picturing

flying lettuces

avocados

crab sticks

sweet corns

olive oil

and lemon

sauce.

'Yum.

I think I'm gonna have a salad too'.

We walk to our new home

make the salad

share the salad

go for a nap

and halas

happy to be alive.

Actually there were a few more highlights,

like trying to guess the age of a man

at tired o'clock 

and Hanna guessing he was 46 

when I had thought he was 32

and then I changed it to 34

turns out he's 38.

Nice one, Han.

Close!

Day SeventyFive

Day SeventyFive;

ages ago from day

FiftySeven

when I last posted.

So many days,

so many moments

so many thoughts.

Where to start other than from where we left;

From where we left 

the circumstances become bigger than the people

and the problems become bigger than the house.

Home to many

weighs too many

emotions

to host so many

entries.

Long-term short-term

guests and friends

who have become family 

on five-day stays 

and others

that stay with you for a lifetime.

The house couldn't handle so much trouble

and so much interaction at the same time.

Sometimes you have to choose;

do you want to live-

and live happily-

or do you want to keep trying

to make

things

happen

the way

you

want them too.

I chose to live.

So I take my spirit; 

a home to many,

to a different place.

To wherever. 

Day SeventyFour

A day at the Cornish with Han.

Hanna Bananna

is such a gangster.

We went out for a walk to the Cornish after a long sleepy relaxing morning.

People were staring at us

possibly because it was a Sunday and we were in track suits;

or because we were at the peak of local posh

in tracksuits.

And I don't know what's worse;

that I look Lebanese and I have the guts to walk around the port in Asics

or that Hanna looks foreign and lost the way to the hood?

Anyway

we chilled

and walked that walk

and talked that talk.

Made eye contact with the only one guy jogging,

watched some break dancing in the square

and returned to our new base.

Had an afternoon nap,

woke up,

had unhealthy cheesy pizza dinner

and went back

to bed.

Sundays really are for chilling.

Day SeventyThree

Shift Switch

and I'm working on this cosy rainy Saturday.

The girls have moved out 

and it's the first weekend they're not around.

The house is still full 

and there's peculiar movement;

sometimes extremely quiet

other times fully busy.

The group from Denmark

are here this afternoon and I spend time with them around the sofas.

Puppy is happily jumping from one extended arm to the other

and I watch it, 

in case it gets close to any walking feet

or close to Tereza,

ready to whistle at it.

Sizle

is super open and friendly.

she asks me what brought me here and she tells me a bit about her too.

I tell her I want to keep Puppy

but I haven't got a stable home right now.

Erkan 

passes around some Danish candy

and they insist that I try the 'wine one'.

I avoid the liquorice

but end up holding one that is liquorice inside the orange sugar coat.

We laugh at it.

I ask if anyone is having dinner and they very encouragingly say they will try what I make!

I decide to make a new recipe;

one my sister taught me when she was studying in Greece.

Her housemate had come up with it.

It's pasta with tuna & haloumi

cooked in tomato sauce

& spices.

It's delicious.

I can't believe I hadn't cooked it all this time here.

I make the dish

and some parsley salad with feta on the side.

We dine and discuss over the table

and it's a short personal meeting with 

the way Patrik thinks and speaks.

Something I haven't had the chance

to explore over the past days.

It's their last night 

and they will be checking out before

the morning shift.

So I enjoy our cosy dinner,

loving that they have tried the special pasta recipe

and bid them farewell 

in the way you bid farewell to people at a hostel;

i.e. in uncertainty 

and hopeful intentions

for this farewell to stand

in future paths.

Day SeventyOne

When life gives you puppy

love and caress and protect it.

This puppy entered the hostel in Basem's arms

wrapped in a towel like a new born gift

from the universe to our low,

panicked mood 

of the week.

Chadya and I 

had been going through the crazies

after I, slightly depressed 

and with intense withdrawal symptoms,

frustration and unhealthy increase of smoking

was unable and unwilling to get involved in any sort of social activity

and after Chadya,

understanding, mature and fun-loving

had lost faith in what had become an attempt to

fight all negatives and survive them with clear conscience.

I instantly focus on doggy-dog

who obviously needs attention more than us in this instance,

and try to prioritise 'neglected female dog'

over 'neglected female friends'.

It works out,

we needed the attention as much as each other.

We decide to go for a walk

and after days of low energy

and inactivity

we set doggy-dog free

for a fun.

She runs

and laughs

and Chadya runs in front of it

and I stroll behind them

as we crack out laughing

at the cuteness of the moment.

We decide to call her 

Nila

from (Nicole + Lila),

our sisters' names.

Day SixtySeven

The ultimate 'I don't wanna know' Day.

I don't wanna know that the girls moved out-

hence I distract myself with lovely encounters with SW.

I don't wanna know if Mallory is coming back or staying in Greece-

hence I distract myself with lovely encounters with SW.

I don't wanna know if I'll never see SW again-

so I distract myself by drawing an elephant on the wall.

I don't wanna know how long this elephant will take-

so I distract myself by practicing my contemporary floor dance

as Chadya takes over the drawing.

I don't wanna know how much all this is gonna hurt-

so I light up a cigarette and smile in the sun.

Day SixtySix

Long day

oh yay

Touring with Mohammed 

Sean and I woke up early,

half asleep and started a long-shot adventure.

We underestimated time

and wished to see Tripoli and Baalbek 

in a day.

It never happened.

But what happened was 

sweet road trips

and jokes

and naps in the car

at the back

as the guys chatted in the front.

Good music

and rhythms 

without

any

thing

to make this experience 

fake.

Sunsets and tiredness

as we return to our base.

The girls tell me that Mallory is 

leaving tonight.

We head off to meet her at the stairs

of her home.

I take a red beanie with me,

it will suit her

so I give it to her

to wear

and to hold near her.

Our goodbye is short

and sweet

as we head back to 

our hostel

for cuddles and naps.

Day SistyFour

Quiz night

Day FiftySeven

Thursday

the alarm goes off

after a four hour sleep
preceded by a pub quiz we didn't win,
a newly discovered RnB venue,
and shots at a local bar.

I expect a hangover 
but it never hits me.

More so 
it is a quiet and easy day where
literally everyone at the hostel
has set off for camping.

Alex is going South
while the team of girls with Basem are going North.

I see them getting ready and it's really like sending the kids to school.
They prepare the bags while I check if they got their toothbrushes,
they get things from the kitchen while I say plastic cups is a good idea,
and they head off as I do the count of who's going.

I pray they have a good time
and that all the ducks come back
as I return to the desk.

Duce and Hanna 
are the only ones left,
including Arturo
who's new to the house.

The night comes and we set out our own little camp fire
i.e. sit around the low living room table
and decorate it with snacks
while we talk about stories and gossip.

Zeed joins and though he's the one drinking wine
it looks like it's hit me and Han.

We go on and on
on the wagon of 'seen better'
and we're between
boredom has hit and cards of humanity.

'Seen better' is a way to comment on a situation that isn't the best.

'Seen better nights'

'Seen better girlfriends'

'Seen better religions'

'Seen better eyesites'

'Seen better discussion topics'

'Seen better Australians'

and the night continued with hummus, Doritos

and the nonsense

that made perfect sense.

Seen better blog posts.

Day FiftySix

Shatila Day

and the way there is becoming easier.

More familiar 

and bonded between us.

Julia is the new addition to the group since last week

and she's been amazing.

She is amazing.

Extremely conscious

and kind.

We had the classes together 

and in a very strange, unplanned way

we manage to flow together

as teachers

in a class of young rebels.

The class starts and we are in full action

to collect the running boys

and congratulate the sitting ones.

The girls are in order 

and they haven't lost their interest yet.

Meanwhile Fatme is being the queen of numbers

The struggle becomes real

when the little monkeys

see no future in sitting on a chair

with two foreign teachers.

'HALAS!'

I shout firmly.

'Shoo haida?'

[What is this?]

One time

Two times

Three times

Drop 

[on the floor laughing]

as me and Julia look at each other

and break out in laughs 

at how cheeky the kids are

and how we're almost enjoying that they're so energetic.

They watch us laugh

and they laugh too.

They get it.

And we get it too.

All they want is some attention

from a foreign vibe

that communicates with them 

more with body language than

with language.

Julia takes the lead

and goes to the board.

The attention starts being magnetically drawn

to the board.

I alternatively pick up the boys who are naughty 

and sit them on my lap to hold.

More so to refrain them from running around the class.

Foaz becomes briefly naughty and I grab him in a playfully way

place him on my lap sideways

where he leans to my left arm and comforts himself

like a lovable human form

that found the comfort he needs.

I remember him last week;

being completely defensive and traumatised

as he lied under the table

and wouldn't come out of it.

I urged him and stack around saying

'Come habibi. Come.'

I couldn't figure him out 

but I kept showing I was there.

And now he was giving himself to me.

In the way a child gives himself to the mother.

And  though I wasn't ready for it

it was the best thing

taught in class.

Day FiftyFive

Women's Day

but nothing changed in our positive female energy zone.

The girls are women every day;

Hanna

with her casual gangster walk who will drop something completely raw

without any sense of guilt or remorse

Chadya

with her light butterfly presence who will come sit next to you

or on top of you and express her determined thoughts

Mallory

with her shy yet confident look who will be patient for you to talk

and then respond to the point with her mature take 

Alex

with her enthusiastic and ready presence who will hear an idea 

and develop it into practice

Duce

with her opinionated stance on things who will put her cards 

on the table and advice you to take them

Sarah

with her deep analysis of behaviour who will try to understand it

for what it could be

Maryam 

with her reserved presence who will let her hair down 

once in a while and let her beauty shine

Elina 

with her casual look who will
 take an extra second to process and react.

And we all learn from each other.

We all celebrate 

every day

for the beauty of female interaction,

support

and development.

What a time to be a woman!